longing and other such
Jun. 17th, 2025 08:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tamblrtrainscreaming into the void with this one. i don't want to put this behind a cut, but it's how i feel more comfortable without putting it on an access list (which i also don't want to do).
i've found myself longing for someone for about as long as i've existed in this cabaret. granted, that time span isn't particularly long compared to some of the others, but that's made it significantly more tortuous, i think. and knowing that someone might share my feelings (i say might, but almost certainly is more accurate, i'd say) almost feels a touch too much to bear. it's not quite agonizing, and yet it feels like it should be. and on that—human emotions are strange. and i'm human myself, though with a touch of being somewhat of a reanimated corpse and something feathery, so it feels more a disconnect with... existence, more than anything. they spoke to me about it once, about the kind of... stasis i'm in. schrödinger's cat of an alter, if you will. regardless, though—i know it's not intentional on their end that they haven't said anything to me for a while since they generally haven't been able to contact anyone as far as i'm aware, but it's still disappointing that i've been left on delivered, per se, for this long. i just want to know how they've fared since the last time we've spoken, but i have no idea when i'll see them again. it makes me anxious.
just airing out my thoughts, though. i don't want advice. if the subject of my grievances finds this, i miss you. otherwise, have a good day, whoever's reading this.
i've found myself longing for someone for about as long as i've existed in this cabaret. granted, that time span isn't particularly long compared to some of the others, but that's made it significantly more tortuous, i think. and knowing that someone might share my feelings (i say might, but almost certainly is more accurate, i'd say) almost feels a touch too much to bear. it's not quite agonizing, and yet it feels like it should be. and on that—human emotions are strange. and i'm human myself, though with a touch of being somewhat of a reanimated corpse and something feathery, so it feels more a disconnect with... existence, more than anything. they spoke to me about it once, about the kind of... stasis i'm in. schrödinger's cat of an alter, if you will. regardless, though—i know it's not intentional on their end that they haven't said anything to me for a while since they generally haven't been able to contact anyone as far as i'm aware, but it's still disappointing that i've been left on delivered, per se, for this long. i just want to know how they've fared since the last time we've spoken, but i have no idea when i'll see them again. it makes me anxious.
just airing out my thoughts, though. i don't want advice. if the subject of my grievances finds this, i miss you. otherwise, have a good day, whoever's reading this.
